I knew I wanted to post today
But I had known idea where to start
How do you write about something that completely changed your entire life in one small moment?
Yesterday I went to a World AIDs Day event to see a friend speak about a family member she had lost to the disease. In her story, she said:
” Something’s change you right in that moment and others change you over the rest of your life*”
She has no idea about my experience in 2003
and she probably has no idea how that one sentence resonated with an experience completely different from hers
December 2, 2003:
In that moment, death became real.
Not in an old age” way
Not in a ” life threatening illness” way
Not in a “car accident” kind of way
But in a way that someone actively decided to end their life.
And all I could think in that moment was “why?” and “How?”
Why did you feel this was the only way?
Why didn’t we notice?
Why are people so insensitive about what happened?
Why aren’t we talking about this?
How come the school isn’t talking about this?
How does something like this get pushed to the side?
How do we stop this from ever happening again?
These questions have stuck with me for the last 11 years. And over the years, it has not only shaped the kind of person I am but my career path.
These are the topic that people do not want to talk about.
Suicide, death, and depression
But not talking about them does not make them go away
Sadness is real, Depression is real, and sadly Suicide is real.
And depression takes so many forms:
The depressed person can be that person who “Acts out and is impossible to deal with” Because they have no outlet for their emotions
It could be that student with the straight A’s who buries themselves in work because they don’t want to deal with the real world.
It can be that person who sits quietly, going day-to-day doing what they have to do to survive but never really living outside that comfort zone.
But until we live in a world where people do not feel isolated or are no longer spoken badly about for talking about their feeling, their anger, their sadness, and all the other things that make up the “ugly” side of human life
We will never live in a world where people feel like their life matters…
…and every life matters.
(*this may not be verbatim, I’m really bad at quoting)